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Gaining Ground

from Sink / Swim by Cutting Room Floor

/

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    4-panel Digipak. Artwork by Fiona Chamness, layout by Ana MeiLi Carling.

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    Single-J-card casettte. Art by Fiona Chamness, layout by Ana MeiLi Carling. 100 copies.

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    Screenprinted by New Planet. Sea green on black gildan tee. Sized S to 3XL; please reach out for larger sizing options if needed. Describes a painful and powerful moment.
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lyrics

I still think I suck at playing the guitar
even though I know it’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie
I’m counting down the minutes until somebody tells me
not to blame my self-esteem on boys

you know what sucks about lipstick service
it’s how you learn you have to be the best on the first try
eating half as much, fucking up your hands
‘cause you have to make the hardest noise
gotta tear apart that voice, that pretty voice

I didn’t hear of anyone getting raped today, didn’t see the murder count go up
there’s some pretty great things about never leaving your bed
they call it leaden limb paralysis when your arms & legs get pinned like this
like gravity’s a monster & it’s begging to be fed

but nothing’s quite as heavy when you’re underwater
I’m not hungry, I’m not thirsty, look at all the salt I swallowed
here among the bottom feeders none of us are picky eaters
circling the sulfur chimneys waiting for the dead

& the boys in the first band shout about killer breasts
& misgender one of us when we’re changing sets
their bodies spit & spray & the audience cheers
& the singer asks where we get our ideas

was I invited to reveal or was it to redeem
oh, are you asking, oh, are you asking where I learned to scream

the white boys in Keb Mo’ shirts are jamming
I’m at the edge of the woods
my friends are assaulting my friends in the trees
& I’m learning chords & eating lunch

he’s in love with me & he lies down smiling
hides his hard-on & says my writing is so good
he pinched me hard at the classroom door
& I slapped his face, but I have a hunch
that it should’ve been a punch, should’ve been a keys-in-the-knuckles punch

I’m working hard & I’m getting functional, counting blessings & cutting checks
I’m dodging the blade & catching the flat of the knife
it’s not giving in if what you give is what it takes to let you live
or is that just the voice inside that tells me to be nice

I swung between the armchair & the ottoman
& called my daddy, “come & save me, the floor is made of molten lava”
in twenty years, I say “remember how you said, ‘you’re not in danger
& you should always be able to save your life’”

& they teach me to blame the success of people I love
blame anybody trying to rise above
teach me to blame the place & time being wrong
teach me to blame myself for not being strong

but I blame the poison in our blood & in the stream
oh, are you asking, oh, are you asking where I learned to scream

well I learned right here, I learned right here
I learned right here, I learned right here, I learned

let me gain ground
let me gain ground
I can’t say you can’t keep me down

let me gain ground
let me gain ground
let me gain ground
I can’t say you can’t keep me down

credits

from Sink / Swim, released July 24, 2019

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Cutting Room Floor

Cutting Room Floor is a queer, feminist, genre-bending punk 3-piece based in the northeastern united states. Also sometimes described as a psychic rock band from the underworld.

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